A Trick of Fate…

Farewell in Velvet
Celine’s farewell… in Velvet, Zouk. I reach there with Audrey around 11pm plus in Audrey’s M3. Park right infront of Zouk entrance and 4 bodyguards escort us in without having to line up!!! Cayalar… found their table and the 4 bodyguards told Audrey that they will stand one side and look after her. I was like? Huh? Need meh? Then Audrey asks them to leave.

I was drinking coke the whole night until he asks me to drink his glass. He asks me for my car key before I drink. I told him I don’t have car keys. He asks for the second times. Celine told him I'm not driving. Told him I don’t want to drink but he insisted. Down a few glasses full of liquor and my head begins to swing. I was so high and I can’t stand straight. Was laughing and crying non stop for no particular reason. That night, I was having so much fun and it reminds me of his farewell few months ago. It’s so similar. He was asking me to drink and drink non stop. Told him I was drunk but he won’t let me go. Until one moment I can’t stand still and all I can do is dance. I can’t stop or sit or I will sure KOsss… was dancing with Celine an Audrey. He is standing behind me drinking with his friend. Suddenly his GF come stand infront of him as if she scare that I will grab him away. Fine with me, I stand further from him. But he come over and asks me to drink again. Down a few more and I told him it’s enough. I really can’t stand already and Audrey brings me to sit down on the couch. I jump up and sit as the seat is a bit high for me. Once I jump up, he pulled my right skirt and Audrey pulled my left down properly so that I won’t “chau kong” hahhaha. He stand right infront of me and the table to prevent me front “chau kong”. How caring. This remind me of the time when we are in the car. He did the same thing. He put his hand over to my skirt and says…”see, “chau kong” already lar… you want to let who see?” I was sitting there for a while and Celine come over and sit beside me. I ask her to keep me away from him as I scare I can’t control myself and will do silly thing. She said Ok.

I was sitting there and looking at him talking and dancing with his GF. Suddenly he pulls his GF to dance with Celine. He come over to my place and asks to go over to his side. I said no. but he take out his hand and ask me to come over. I gave him my hand and he pulls me over. Nearly lost my balance and I hold onto his waist. He did the same. I can’t stand any longer and I hug him. I just can’t control myself anymore (This reminds me of me telling him that I like hugging him, and he replied... good for you). I know what I did is wrong but I can’t stop myself from hugging him. I tried to avoid him. I really do. The problem is, he hugs me back. I don’t know how long we have hugged each other (I don’t want to let him go) until Celine comes and pulled him away. Pull me back to reality that I should not do it. He went back to his GF. The feeling of hugging him brings back all the memories that I was trying to let go...

I was dancing with Celine and suddenly he turns back and holds my waist. He pinches me. I was shock. The feeling is nice but his GF is just behind him. What can I do? I can’t do anything but to gently push him away. Audrey saw it and come stand in between of us. So I was sandwich between my 2 best friends; Celine and Audrey. Both trying to keep me away from him before any dramas happen. Thanks you to both of them. I remember seeing Celine pushing him away whenever he tries to grab me or hold me. Kinda funny tho.

Until now, I still think he care for me. He really do. But WHY? WHY?? Why are we only friend?? I still care and think about him a lot. Even Alex told me we are very close. Some of my colleagues also say that we should be together. No fate or is it a trick of fate? Bring us together, letting us knowing and understand each other, letting me fall for him and take him away from me!??!!

I never thought I'd find someone like you
Though in my every fantasy I saw you everyday
I thought there was no way - to make my dream come true

I always thought that I would be alone
Afraid to dream that anyone was ever gonna see
The love inside of me - but how could I have known

A trick of fate would bring us together
A trick of fate would alter our lives
We had to wait it seemed like forever
But never say never to a trick of fate

What were the chances I'd be here with you
That after all the lonely years of searching everywhere
I'd turn and you'd be there - from clear out of the blue

Our lives are in the hands of destiny
And though we try to take control
That's not the way it goes - a higher power knows
How it's supposed to be

A trick of fate brought us together
A trick of fate altered our lives
We had to wait it seemed like forever
But never say never to a trick of fate

And now, something has begun - something very new
And suddenly the future's looking bright
Somehow when two hearts beat as one, fairy tales come true
And anything seems possible tonight

A trick of fate brought us together
A trick of fate altered our lives
We had to wait it seemed like forever
But never say never to a trick of fate

It just goes to show
That you never know
Where love's gonna grow
- It's a trick of fate

This is a happy ending song which 2 lovers fall in love and their hearts beat as one after some struggles. Guess, I am not as lucky as them. Mine stop half way “A trick of fate brought us together… and it just stop there”. Sad ending instead. Sigh… TRICK OF FATE. Some with happy ending, some with sad ending. That’s life right? Not everybody have a happy ending. But never say never to a trick of fate. It does alter my live. I might not have happy ending with him, but we have a memories. A memories that only shared by the 2 of us. I’m sure once a while, when he encounter thing and stuff that we did before… IT WILL REMIND HIM OF ME. Isn't that enough? Love doesn't mean that we have to be together. As long as the other party is happy... It's already consider as a HAPPY ENDING... am I right???

Never Give Up!!!

Have you ever observed the behaviour of birds in the face of adversity? For days and days they make their nests, sometimes gathering materials brought from far away. And when they have completed the nest and are ready to lay eggs, the weather, or the work of humans, or some animal, destroys it, and it falls to the ground, all that they have done with so much effort.

Do they stop? Bewildered, and leave the work? No way. They start over building the nest again and again until they have eggs in the nest again. Sometimes,and very often before the chicks are hatched, an animal, a child, or a storm destroys the nest once again, but this time with its valuable contents. It hurts to go back to begin again… Even so, the birds do not ever stop, they continue to sing and build, and keep singing and building…

Do you sometimes get the feeling that your life, your work, your family is not what you had dreamed. Do you sometimes want to say “enough”, the effort is not worthwhile. It is all too much for me! Are you tired of it all? Do you feel that the daily struggle is a waste of time, your trust has been betrayed, your goals not reached just as you were about to get them? Life strikes you down sometimes, but do you go on, say a prayer, put your faith in hope, not darkness? Do not worry if you get injured in the battle, that is to be expected. Gather yourself together and rebuild your life, so that it runs well again. No matter what happens… Do not shrink back, but move forward. Life is a constant challenge, but it is worthwhile to mostly accept it.

And never stop singing. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP. Have Faith....

This is the day

This is the day
This is the day
That the Lord has made
That the Lord has made
We will rejoice
We will rejoice
And be glad in it
And be glad in it
This is the day that the Lord has made
We will rejoice and be glad in it
This is the day
This is the day
That the Lord has made.

Oops… this song doesn’t suit my mood today. Today is my Cibai friend; Celine’s last day in the company. She is one of the most important people to me in this company. After he left, my life change from a cheerful girl to a moody girl. But luckily she’s here to cheer me up. Words can’t descript how I am feeling right now. After I accepted the fact that he left, now I have to accept another fact that she is leaving too. She share all my ups and downs, she share all my shitty idea, she is my msn kaki, she is my gossiping and keepo-ing kaki, she is my breakfast kaki and she’s my smoking kaki. After she leave, nobody here to comfort me when I’m sad and nobody here to cheer me up when I’m moody. She is really a Cibai friend for doing this to me.

Btw, I wish you all the best in your new company. Hope that you will be loved there. You really are a Cibai friend but I’m not, so I wish you all the best in your future and be happy always. Love ya and I’ll miss you… dearly… MUCKS.

P/s… This is the second time I write this as the first one gone missing and IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT for rushing me to go smoking. The first one is funnier. What to do? You lar… rush me. And now, this is what you get.

Oh ya... another thing... I wanted to say thank you to you for all the things that you have done for me.

1) Convincing me to go Jeram Desu (so that I can spent time and know him better)

2) Lunar Bar (for calling him to come over and there's where all the pinchting fight begins...)

3) Inviting him to VMware event (that's where all the fairy tales begins...)

4) Not following me back on his farewell dinner (that's when all the unexpected things happened)

5) FOR ALL THE ARRANGEMENT YOU HAVE MADE WITH HIM FOR ME!!!

Thank you for all the memory that you have given to me. Happy or Sad, it will always be in my mind. Everything happen, happens for a reason!!!! Part of the reason GOD makes you come here is to give me all those memory that I thought that it won't happen to me. I always say, I never get anything that I want. But it proven me wrong... I've got him. Maybe it's just for a very short period... but I DID GOT HIM. Better than none right???

I Can't Hold Back MP3 Song

survivor - i can t hold back songs
Mp3 download | Music download

I Can't Hold Back

There's a story in my eyes
Turn the pages of desire
Now it's time to trade those dreams
For the rush of passion's fire
I can feel you tremble when we touch
And I feel the hand of fate
Reaching out to both of us
I've been holding back the night
I've been searching for a clue from you
I'm gonna try with all my might
To make this story line come true
Can ya feel me tremble when we touch
Can ya feel the hand of fate
Reaching out to both of us
This love affair can't wait

*I can't hold back, I'm on the edge
(I can't hold back)
You voice explodes inside my head
I can't hold back, I won't back down
Girl it's too late to turn back now*

Another shooting star goes by
And in the night the silence speaks to you and I
And now the time has come at last
Don't let the moment run too fast
I can feel you tremble when we touch
And I feel the hand of fate reaching out to both of us
There's a story in my eyes, turn the pages of desire
Now it's time to trade those dreams
For the rush of passion's fire

This Is What I Get???

“In regards to the issue you're facing, i must say that i'm deeply flattered that you like me, miss me and think about me a lot but unfortunately, to be honest, i don't share the same sentiment.

I apologise if i've ever led you to think and feel the way you're feeling now. It was not my intention from the start to end up in this predicament.

I thought you were matured enough to see the signals that i was giving which clearly showed that i'm not interested. It's not that you're a terrible person but frankly speaking, i'm not the right person for you. There're other better guys out there who'll suit you better.

I wish to see this as the last of this matter and we shall not touch on this issue again as i want to bury this hatchet. None of this will be mentioned again and i hope this will ease you in moving your life forward.

P/S: Would appreciate it if you could stop sending me text messages on your feelings and thoughts pertaining to the above as it can get overwhelming.”

We have been thru so much. We have done so much and this is what I get? Just friends and nothing more than that? I always ask myself... he don't like me? He really doesn’t like me? If he doesn’t even have the slightest feeling towards me, why does he do all those caring stuff? Why bother asking Celine to take care of me when he is not around? Why bother?

We still hang out once a while for dinner, karaoke, clubbing, drink tea with his new GF (which is my friend... or I should say; current colleague). Sometimes I wonder… things that we talk about or places that we go or things that he do with his new GF; remind him of me? I really wonder is there any empty spaces in his heart for me? I catches him a few times looking at me when the topic we talk about similar to what happened to us. Or am I imagining it?

Is that me that make him stay away from me? Because he thinks that I am a slut? That I play around with any Tom, Dick and Hairy? That I like any guys that come along? That he can’t find any security if he is with me?? Is that so? If it’s because of that, I really think he is a coward coz I told him before I’m a very loyal girl… Once my friend; Angeline told me before she thinks he is a coward if he stay away from me because of the above reason. She said… how could he let go of the person he likes just because he is scare? Just because of his past failure and he scare that he will drop flat at his face again? I guess he don’t trust me enough. Maybe is the way I portrait myself… Moral of the story… DO NOT give people wrong impression of yourself. BEHAVE!!!! :)

*** It’s all guessing and there’s no proof that what we guess above is correct. All based on our feeling…. Cheers

Why Are We Still Friends...

We do almost everything that lovers do. And that’s why it’s hard, just to be friends with you. Every time your heart is broken by the fool. I want you to know that it hurts me too. It’s hard to wipe your tears away. Knowing that you should be with me. Now tell me why… Why? Why are we still friends… When everything says we should be more than we are. And tell me why every time I find someone that I like…we always end up just being friends???

What can I do to make you love me? What can I do to make you care? What can I say to make you feel this? What can I do to get you there? I haven't slept at all in days; it's been so long since we've talked. There's only so much I can take. And I just got to let it go. And who knows I might feel better. If I don't try and I don't hope. No more waiting, No more aching. No more fighting, No more trying.

"Never look back," we said. How was I to know I'd miss you so? Loneliness up ahead, emptiness behind. Where do I go? Even though time may find me somebody new. But you put a dart through my dreams through my heart. You promised yourself; But to somebody else. And you made it so perfectly clear… Still I wish you were here.

You're the one who set it up. Now you're the one to make it stop. I'm the one who's feeling lost right now. Now you want me to forget every little thing you said. But there is something left in my head; I won't forget the way you're kissing. The feelings so strong were lasting for so long. But I'm not the girl your heart is missing. That's why you go away I know.

Hiding from the rain and snow. Trying to forget but I won't let go. Looking at a crowded street. Listening to my own heart beat. So many people all around the world but tell me where do I find someone like you.

Maybe there's nothing more to say. And in a funny way I'm calm. Because the power is not mine. I'm just gonna let it fly.