A Moment Like This... (Sids)

22-01-09 Sids

A week has past since the incident. We never mentioned what had happened between us. I find it a bit awkward to face or talk to him. Dunno where to start and dunno what to talk. I think he feels the same way too. I tried to be normal but I’m not normal. How can I pretend to be normal when I know there is something very wrong between us? I started to think that that night was just a bonus night, a night that won’t happened if both of us was sober. I started to think that maybe he is just into a rebound relationship or it’s normal for him to do this to any other girls. I started to think that he regretted on what happened and it won’t happen again!!! I regretted that I didn’t ask him how he feels towards me. I regretted that we didn’t do “it” that night. I pray for a second chance, I pray and wish that if only I got a second chance to be alone with him… I will ask and do it. No matter what... but I guess it’s just won’t happen again… sigh

Today, a few of our colleague are going for a farewell dinner for him after work in a restaurant at Paramount, PJ. I’m driving him there as I dunno how to get to that place. We are a bit late as we took the wrong turn and got lost but we managed to get there. Had our dinner, drank a bit of wine and chatted happily, laughing and making fun of each other. His phone rang and I over heard that his friend is asking him for second round in Sids and he agrees to join them later. My dreams broke into million pieces as I won’t get a chance to be with him… ALONE!!! One of my colleague ask me whether is there any second round after this and I told them to ask him coz its his farewell and not mine. He kept quite. Means NO. So we paid for the bill and get to our car. I thought he will ask me to fetch him back to office to collect his car so that he can go and meet up with his friend. Instead, he looks up at me and says “now, let’s go for second round” I was shocked that he invited me. I asked him where are we going and who are we meeting and what time are we leaving as tomorrow is Friday...sadly to say; working day!!! He told me we are going to Sids, meeting up with few of his friend and we will be off around 12am as he just needs a glass of beer. I agreed. I am so happy that he invited me. SO so happy…

On the way to Sids, he ask me whether I know how to get there or not and I said yes. He told me that he doesn’t believe me and if I ever take a wrong turn then I will owe him one pinch. I agree. I nearly took the wrong turn and he claim that I owe him a pinch. We argue coz I told him the turning is not here yet but he says “I know u very well. If you know the turning coming soon, from far you will keep to your left already”. Which is true; I have to admit. Half way I ask him a question so that I can contra off the pinch that I owe him. I asked “do you know what song is this?” He replied “if I know the song’s title and the singer, how? You owe me another 2 pinch!!” I said ok. And to my surprise he knows the song and the singer!!! It’s a song sang by Jay Chow and the title is “Hua Hai”. A banana that’s knows Chinese song… hahahhaha. He said that I totally owe him 3 pinches!! I told him I’m not letting him pinch me. Every time he pinches me, I will surely get blue-black here and there. He says no way and I’m gonna get it from him later...

We reached Sids, ordered our drinks and he chatted happily with his friends. I listened to them chatting and playing sms at the same time. Each time my sms ring, he will look at me with one funny look. I said sorry and mute my phone. His brother comes later and I chat with him. We left around 12.30am and his brother offers to fetch him back to office to collect his car but he insisted that I will fetch him; which I don’t mind at all. As usual he likes to kacau me when I’m driving; skips all my favorite song that are playing on my radio; giving me the funny faces and asking me to keep my eyes on the wheel; pinching and making fun of me.

We reached office around 12.45am and I walked with him to B2 to get his car. Along the way to his car, he started to pinch me and I fight back we laugh and laugh till we get into his car but the fighting didn’t stop. We had lots of fun in the car until we saw a security guard walking around and we decided to drive off. We drove to the parking behind stadium. That is the place that brings the most memorable memories. The memories that will stay in my mind forever… the feeling of kissing him, the feeling of hugging him, the feeling when we touch, the feeling of him being around me, the feeling of sleeping on his lap, the feeling of him pinching me, the look when he smiles, his eyes, his strong arms, his fingers, his everything… that night we finally did it… but we stop half way as there is passer by. He told me that we can continue next time. I told him it’s very nice hugging him. And he said good for you… we smoked outside his car. I hug him so tight. So so tight. I wanted to ask him so badly how he thinks of me. I really do. But words just don’t come out from my mouth. I am speechless, wordless…

Sometimes I asked GOD; WHY? Why get me in this type of situation? Why can’t I be with the one that I like? Why he doesn’t like me? Why? Why? Why? But I guess the problem is not with GOD. It’s ME. GOD gave me a second chance but I missed it. I am so regret. But I can’t turn back time and I can’t change thing that had happen. These teach me a lesson… opportunity is not always here, and when it’s here you gotta grab it before it’s too late. I guess me and him has no fate after all. I always tell my friend… “When GOD take something away from you, it’s because he wants to give you something BETTER” I always believe it… always do.

“God will make a way

Where there seems to be no way

He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me

He will be my guide

Hold me closely to His side

With love and strength for each new day

He will make a way....

He will make a way

By a roadway in the wilderness

He'll lead me

And rivers in the desert will I see

Heaven and earth will fade

But His Word will still remain

And He will do something new today”

Emmanuel